


Alea Iacta Est

by A_Stressed_Cupcake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is stressed, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I needed closure, I was in pain, No idea when I'll finish this, Physical Pain, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, The Empty, The Empty is a jerk, Worried Dean Winchester, but everyone gets whumped a bit, but you can ship whoever you want I don't judge, i did write this thing, i started writing this after, intended as gen, please, protect the angel, the Shadow will be referred to as the Empty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21598063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Stressed_Cupcake/pseuds/A_Stressed_Cupcake
Summary: Dean understands that sometimes obtaining your end of the bargain requires some unpleasant dirty work.He just wishes different supernatural entities of varying power and character would stop entering his dreams already.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel & The Shadow (Supernatural)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. The Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to the sadness.

The bunker door sounded like a death knell when it finally shut. And yet, it took him longer than he should have to register it.

_ He’s gone. _

He took another swig of his drink. Maybe that was what made him so numb, he vaguely realized.

One more sip. The alcohol burned, but it didn’t hurt. Nothing and everything hurt at that moment. A part of him was screaming and crying into the void and another was laughing and another was numb to everything: in the end, as always, it was the numb part that won out.

It was a good part. It kept away the angry side that wanted to chase after Cas and drag him back by the hair. 

_ Oh fuck, that's sick _ .  _ Numb is better. Numb is always better. _

Another sip. It didn't burn as much.

_ I should apologize _ .

Another sip.

_ For what? It was his fault. _

Another sip.

_ No, it wasn't. I just needed a scapegoat. _

The last few drops of the drink burned his throat more than any others. Maybe because he was getting choked up. It burned on its own.

_ No, don't cry. Crocodile tears, Dean. _

He put the glass down maybe a bit more forcefully than needed. It cracked at the bottom, spilling what little alcohol there was left right onto the table. He didn't care.

_ I'll get another glass. _

And so he did. Another glass, and then another, and a couple more sips straight from the bottle, and then bedtime.

He wasn't nearly drunk enough to deal with this.

Fortunately, he'd grown so accustomed to hangovers by that point that they straight up did not affect him. A normal person would have ended up with the most terrible hangover of their life or in an ethylic coma. Not Dean Winchester. Alcohol had given up on killing him by that point, just like about 90% of the universe. The remaining 10% being Dean Winchester, of course.

He waddled off to his bedroom, but not before opening the door to Sam's room as quietly as possible. He was asleep. Good. The kid deserved some sleep after the shit he'd been through. 

He shut the door behind him when he finally got to his own room. The bed was soft. He was tired. He was drunk. Off to Dreamland.

He sat on the pier, fishing. 

The water rippled around the end of the fishing line, distorting the clouds above just enough to make them look like a Romantic painting. 

It was so peaceful and calm.

And with peace and calm came that unwanted guest that always showed up when he least expected: clarity. Clarity caught up to him, hand in hand with its cousin, Regret. 

"Oh shit." he whispered.

It all came to him at once, what he'd been too upset and oblivious to realize. The way Cas spoke about himself and about them, the way that he didn't hesitate to put them (or anyone he loved, really) above himself, the way he sat quietly and took the brunt of his anger. The way he gave himself no value at all. 

He'd been kicked out of the bunker before. Maybe he'd expected it to happen again and decided to leave so he wouldn't have to go through it again.

It also occurred to him (damn clarity) that the world was currently after their heads. That was maybe the worst possible moment for  _ anyone _ to be going around alone,  _ especially _ someone who was right at the center of the storm. Especially someone who had the misfortune of knowing the Winchesters. 

"Fuck!!" he yelled, hurling the fishing line into the water of the pond: "I'm an idiot!!"

"I agree." said a voice behind him.

The person standing behind him was a stranger. He was certain he'd never seen her before. So what was she doing in his dream, and why wasn't he waking up? This was one of the most impressively lucid dreams he'd ever had.

"Dean, Dean, Dean…" the woman shook her head, which she was gripping tightly with her left hand in what was clearly a nervous gesture: "Whatever will I do with you?"

She had very strange speaking mannerisms.

One very legitimate question came to his mind.

"Who the hell are you?" 

"Oh, me, it doesn't matter." the… whatever it was shrugged, "Enough about me, let's talk about you. Or, actually, let's talk about Castiel."

That got his attention: "What about him?"

"I want to help." said the thing that looked like a woman, "You know...help you reconcile."

Dean's eyes immediately narrowed: "Why?"

Its smile dropped: "You upset me, Dean. I'm just a poor friendly spirit who has to sit here…" it gestured nervously at the ground, "...and watch you people argue over inconsequential nonsense all the damn time!!"

He blinked.

_ Spirit's pissed _ .

"A spirit." he repeated.

"That's the part you took away from that?" the spirit cocked an eyebrow, "But yes, I am. Unfortunately, no one really knows where my body is, so um… good luck."

"Try me."

"Anyway, you want me to help or not?" the entity offered its hand.

"I don't need your help." Dean sighed, turning back to the lake. It had darkened to a thick, stormy black pool that looked deadly to say the least. He pointed at it: "See, this? Always a red flag."

"That's not me!" It protested, "That's you projecting. You're pretty good at that, I hear."

Dean shot it a glare: "Hey! I don't even know you."

"My name is Aud." it said, scratching furiously at its neck, "There, now you know me."

"Oh, brother." Dean shook his head and turned away, perfectly happy to ignore this bastard.

Perfectly happy.

Everything was fine.

Cas was better off without them anyway.

"Are you sure you don't want to find him?" the thing insisted, "The longer you wait, the further he gets."

"Let him!!!" Dean snapped, throwing his arms up in frustration: "So he decided to do his own thing. Good for him! When has him being here ever benefitted any of us?"

It was cruel, and false, but he couldn't stop himself. He was the captain of a sinking ship and he'd go down with it. Besides, if the thing thought it didn't have leverage, maybe it would leave him alone.

Except...it did have leverage.

"Exactly." it said, "And when has him being away from you ever worked out, huh?"

He froze for a moment.

"I know you remember finding him on the brink of death…" it continued.

"Shut up." He hissed.

"...alone, in terrible agony…"

" _ Shut up _ !!"

"Good thing you had an actually  _ useful _ angel with you then, eh?" it chirped, merrily chipping away at his battered sanity. "Poor, poor Gadreel. He knew torture too."

It laughed a laugh of pure, angry insanity on the brink of collapse. "He took more pity on him than you ever did."

"Okay." Dean snapped, "Are you here to help me or taunt me?"

"Yes." shrugged  _ Aud _ , if that even was its name.

"Haha." mumbled Dean. "What do you  _ really _ want, huh?"

"Me? I want to help."

"Yeah, I call bullshit. I'll ask you again…" 

He stood up to face Aud: "What do you really want from me?"

That was when it dropped the façade.

Dean felt his body being forced back into the chair by an invisible force. 

"Son of a bitch!" he cursed.

"Alright…" Aud said, "I see how it is. I tried to be nice. I tried to help your poor emotionally constipated self out, but noooo…"

It laughed again: "Nooo, you just  _ had _ to ruin everything. Now I see why you and Castiel get along so well."

"What do you want with him?" he growled.

"Oh, there it is!!" exclaimed Aud: "I knew you had that good protective heart in there somewhere."

"Answer the fucking question!!!" Dean snarled.

"Rude."

"What the hell do you want?"

"I want it to be a surprise." it shrugged. "Don't you like surprises, Dean?"

"Fuck that!! What do you want?"

Aud turned to him and smiled. That's when something began to drip from its eyes. Its mouth. Its ears. It was black and gooey and  _ alive _ , somehow, it quickly spread all over Aud, covered its face, snuck inside its blouse, coated its hair in a thick dark goo.

_ Leviathan? _

_ No, that can't be it. _

_ Ectoplasm?  _

_ No way. _

_ What the hell is this thing? _

It smiled at him through blackened lips: "I want what's mine."

The world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated T for Dean's language.  
> I started writing this after 15x03 broke me and here I am, posting it. Three episodes later.
> 
> This document was saved on my Docs as, and I quote, "Maybe a thingy for 15x03 because I cried and I desperately need closure goddammit Dean don't be a dick :("
> 
> The name Aud has significance.  
> Please tell me what you think because human connection makes me feel like a person :D  
> Feel free to yell at me for the angst.
> 
> Next time: The Shadow has plans.


	2. The Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and the Shadow have a nice chat.

He was no stranger to the feeling of being trapped inside his own mind. In fact, he would have liked to  _ not _ relive that wonderful feeling so soon, but hey, when had life ever stopped for him?

The piercing terror, though... that did not stem entirely from his experience with possession. 

The problem was that he had no idea who this entity was or what it wanted with his friend.

"What do you need Cas for?" he asked again, puffing his chest to combat the supernatural weight that pinned him to the lawn chair.

Aud shrugged.

"Come on. Do you think I can escape you? I mean we're in Dreamland and me, I'm pretty messed up right now." Dean admitted, hoping to get it to talk. He was bluffing, of course. This bitch was going down: "What do you want with us?" he asked with a half-assed struggle to stand.

The thing was currently pacing back and forth, looking like a bundle of nerves. "You're so impatient." it remarked. "That's the thing with humans. So impatient. So  _ loud. _ " 

It spoke the word  _ loud _ with such venom that Dean had to wonder if banging pots close to its ears would make it go away. 

"I was doing just fine!!" the thing continued its shrill rant: "I was doing just fine, sleeping eternity away, but  _ no _ !!!"

He flinched.

" _ No, _ your brat just  _ had  _ to wake me up with his…" the thing scratched its neck furiously, "... _ insufferable  _ longing. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?"

"Well, I'm not a cosmic entity that's been sleeping for the past few eons." he pointed out.

"But then!!!" it screeched, completely ignoring him in favour of its rant: "Then!!! I was perfectly happy with kicking him out and letting him live. But no!!! The stupid angel just _had_ to interfere in matters he cannot _possibly_ hope to understand. Because clearly, _clearly_!!" It laughed, "Clearly one abomination of a child is more important than himself and universal balance."

_ This thing is off its rocker. _

Dean didn't say anything. Even his smart ass recognised that it was probably a bad idea to sass the unstable cosmic entity at that exact moment.

That didn't work, however, when it turned back to face him with rage in his eyes.

"I just wanted to  _ sleep _ !!" It screeched, "I just wanted to do my  _ job _ !! You'd think those other entities would be more appreciative, considering it's  _ their  _ fault this entire mess was allowed to happen in the first place. But no!!  _ No _ !!" it wailed, scratching at its cheek: "They haven't done anything to rid me of that pathetic angel."

Dean stared at its face as it contorted in a blind rage. Its voice dropped an octave or two after that fit, to a terrifying whisper: "I just wanted him to stay dead. But now? I want him to  _ suffer _ ."

Dean's heart skipped a beat. He'd figured out from the thing's rant that this was about Cas, but to hear it declare that it wanted him to suffer was a different story. 

"What are you gonna do?" he asked, more to hatch a plan than out of curiosity. He had no need for curiosity: if this thing wanted Cas to suffer, then it was going down regardless of what exactly it was planning.

The entity looked him in the eyes and, for just a moment, it didn't look dangerous. The fragile, well-dressed frame of whoever it was currently wearing made it look almost innocuous. Dean knew better.

"Exactly what I told him." it answered.

He shook his head.

"Wait." said the hateful creature, inching closer to him with a spark of curiosity in its hazel eyes: "You didn't know. You didn't know!!"

It scoffed, marveling at his ignorance.

For some reason, it seemed to be utterly delighted by the news: "You didn't  _ know _ !!" it repeated, wheezing out a laugh.

"What's so funny, you son of a bitch?" He glared at it with piercing eyes.

"You didn't know!!!" It repeated once more (it was getting old, frankly): "You didn't know!!! You weren't making him miserable on purpose?? Oh!!" It laughed, collapsing into a lawn chair that was definitely not there before.

That stung.

As soon as the sting of guilt wore off, it was replaced by anger. What right did this thing have to judge him? What right did it have to laugh at his peril, at the endless suffering that was their lives, at Cas, who was simply too good to let someone suffer if he could take their place?

"Yeah, well, it seems to me like  _ you're _ making him miserable on purpose. So who's the asshole here?"

"You." The entity replied, without hesitation. "Me, I have nothing to apologize for."

Dean decided to drop the subject. There was a more pressing issue at hand: "Answer me this, then: what is happening to my body right now?"

"Oh, that?" the thing blinked: "Absolutely nothing. You're still lying in bed, snoring way louder than your poor brother should allow."

"He doesn't." Dean mumbled. 

"Is that why he's knocking?"

That got his attention.

"You stay away from him." he snarled.

Its reaction was... unexpected.

It  _ laughed _ : " **_Him_ ** ?? You think-"

It burst into hysterical laughter again: "I don't care about him!! He can do what he wants. I won't touch him."

Dean blinked.

It was honestly alarming how quick he'd been to automatically assume the thing was there to hurt Sam. A perfect, sad depiction of their entire life. It had told him, right away: they were not its target, it had no interest in them. He had no time to ponder how messed up their life was, though.

_ Damn, we all need therapy in here. _

"The nerve you have…" it shook its head.

Dean felt his gut twist a bit. He was getting a lot of information out of this thing, and none of it was useful. "What are you planning?" he asked, trying not to sound desperate.

It didn't come out as good as he would have liked.

The creature finally relented.

"I'm going to speed things up with our deal." it replied.

The question was so obvious on Dean's face that the thing could barely go five seconds before it apparently felt the need to mock him for knowing nothing.

"Oh, you poor thing." It mocked, "Didn't he tell you?"

"Apparently not!!" Dean snarled, “You know that.” he added, pretending that didn't hurt. And it did. Because that was entirely on him. However long this deal had been going on for, it was more than likely the angel  _ had _ , in fact, considered talking to him about it. Before he’d shut him down, that is. 

He decided to shelf that issue for the moment.

"What is the deal?" he growled, "How long did you give him?"

"All the time in the world…" 

"What?"

"...until he finds happiness."

Dean blinked. He let the entity's words sink in. 

His heart froze in his chest as a chill ran up his spine like an angry spider. Knowing Castiel, knowing  _ any  _ of them… that was just cruel. He knew that, if ever it came to pass, it would destroy him. It would destroy all of them. That was when he decided he would simply never allow it to happen.

_ I won’t let you  _ was what he’d meant to say.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Okay, maybe he could’ve handled that better.

The thing shrugged.

“You just sit tight and be a good boy before I change my mind about keeping you conscious, okay?” it smiled. Well,  _ smile  _ wasn’t the right word. It was more like a maniacal grin.

Dean felt  _ something  _ shift inside of him.

“What the hell are you doing???”

“Moving.” it answered, looking to the lake behind him.

“Moving?”

“Well, moving  _ you _ .”

“Where?”

“Well…” it sighed, “We have to get to him  _ somehow _ , don’t we?”

_ It knows where he is. _

________

Castiel thanked whatever logical capability he had left that he’d remembered to bring money along. He was not prepared to sleep under a bridge again, particularly with souls from hell on the loose.

There were bound to be some still around. 

He was tired.

Never a good sign.

The motel room was cramped and dirty, but that was nothing new to him. As long as he had a roof over his head and four walls to draw sigils on, he’d be fine.

He was tired.

And he didn’t care.

He should have been more concerned when he immediately fell asleep upon lying down, but he wasn’t. Why would he be?

He didn’t need to fight anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter was so dialogue-heavy.  
> I really love writing dialogue between Dean and the Shadow, I feel like there's a lot of potential there. :,)  
> More Cas in the next chapter and he actually speaks this time.
> 
> Please leave comments. And speculate, I love theories :,)
> 
> Next time: The profound bond comes in handy sometimes.


	3. Deal?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is working.

Awareness came on slowly.

First a pulsing light. It was so soft that he almost missed the first flash, distracted by the thing in his head. It became stronger and stronger.

Then came the sound. A low rumbling, so familiar to his ears. An engine.

_ The  _ engine.

_ Baby _ .

When he came to, he was driving. Except he wasn’t.

Looking at his hands, he saw a black liquid. Looking at his face in the mirror, an empty void. He wasn’t driving. The  _ thing _ was. 

“Good morning.” it greeted from inside his head.

“What the fuck??”

Oh, he could talk. Out loud. That was something.

“Well, okay, it’s not morning.” the entity admitted, pointing at the streetlights outside.

“Where are we?” Dean asked, more than a little pissed that this thing was driving his Baby.

“On our way.” it said.

“On our way  _ where _ ?”

“Some place whose name I don’t care to learn.” it answered, taking a left turn. He didn’t recognize the place at all. He could just make out a few buildings in the distance, short and flat.

A sign flickered to life above one. 

**_Blue Jay Motel_ **

  
  


The door didn’t creak when he (they) entered, sadly. Sadly, because the sleeping figure next to the window didn’t even stir. He should’ve. He should’ve ran away as fast as he could.

Cas looked small, somehow, curled up in the tiny motel bed, still fully dressed. He must've been tired to fall asleep just like that.

The protective instinct in his heart gave a brief flare. 

He turned inwards, to the thing that was guiding him along.

"Look." he tried, "You don't have to do this."

"But I want to." it replied in what seemed like genuine confusion: "I don't _ have  _ to do anything."

"Then stop." he pleaded, "Just stop. Don't take him. You don't need to."

The Shadow scoffed indignantly. "It's true. I don't  _ need _ to, but I  _ want  _ to. You of all people should know that's a valid reason to do something."

He was unarmed for the first time in a  _ very _ long time. If the universe had even the slightest shade of compassion for him, it would be the last: he wouldn’t go down without a blade in his hands if he could help it.

Running out of options, Dean reached to grab the thing's arm. Immediately, however, he felt it melt away under the soft wool of its pastel pink cardigan.

"Then let's trade." he offered, as the living liquid slipped from his fingers.

It didn't work. The Shadow just stared at him, unimpressed, as its arm returned to normal. "You assume you have something that could interest me."

The sound of stirring beside him sent his mind into a panicked rush.

"You can have me." he offered, "My soul, I mean."

"Your soul?"

"Yes, just-"

The Shadow scoffed loudly: "Your soul!! Why would I want that?"

Dean was taken aback. This thing really, honestly didn't give two shits about him. In any other scenario, he might've been content with that, but at that moment? He suddenly knew how the helpless people they saved felt, and it was awful.

"I don't  _ do _ souls." the Shadow continued, "Angels and demons don't have them. I have no interest in souls. Now will you be  _ quiet _ ?" it hissed. A flick of its hand, and he could not speak, the taste of nothingness in his mouth.

He clawed at his throat. 

His feet (but not his mind) moved forward.

_ Stop. _

His hand (but not his soul) reached out.

_ Don't touch him _ .

His fingers touched his shoulder. He didn't feel it.

Too late.

Cas’s blue eyes were somehow visible even in the dim street light that filtered through the curtains. Big eyes, annoyed and then confused and then alarmed. He sat up straight in a moment: “Dean.”

“Hey.” he vaguely heard his voice answer.

Cas glanced behind his shoulder, nervously. “What are you doing here?” he whispered. A great question that he sincerely hoped he answered wrong.

“I had to talk to you.”

Cas narrowed his eyes: “I believe there were better means of talking to me than breaking into my room at 2:46 AM.” he mumbled, just salty enough to appear defensive.

“Yeah, maybe.”  _ Dean _ chuckled. His expression steeled a bit: “You weren’t answering your phone.”

“I’m sorry.” the angel replied, without moving a muscle. “I didn’t think it appropriate to keep in contact with you after I said I wouldn’t. Dean, why are you here?”

Dean felt a brief flare of annoyance that he knew didn’t belong to him. What was his, however, was the glimmer of hope that immediately followed it. Cas was getting suspicious. With some luck, he’d see through the act.

“Like I said, I’m here to talk to you. It’s important. Come on, dude. Move over.” it said, gesturing impatiently at the bed.

That seemed to momentarily ward off Cas’s suspicion, unfortunately.

_ Dean  _ sat next to him.

Dean, the real Dean, searched his mind for anything he might use to blast this fucker back to the Empty. The lake, although it was somewhat evanescent now, was still in sight, but he somehow doubted that pushing the thing into it would have any significant effect. The chair seemed equally ineffective. The fishing rod was closest to his position, but it was a goddamn fishing rod. That would barely hurt a toddler, even in real life. 

But the Shadow was so distracted trying to make its act convincing, it wasn’t a completely crazy idea. He stretched his hand out slowly, so the thing wearing god-knows-whose body wouldn’t notice. 

“What do you need?” asked Cas. He looked tired.

_ Almost there. _

“It’s not about need.”  _ Dean  _ said: “I just had to let you know that…”

_ A couple more inches. _

“...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

_ How dare you voice  _ my _ thoughts? _

“...to blame you for everything. I was just…”

_ Got it!! _

“...upset. And you were there…”

His spectral fingers closed around the fishing rod. 

“...so I got mad at you. But really…”

The Shadow had its back to him, completely immersed in its moving speech. 

“...the one I should’ve been mad at…”

He raised the rod high above his shoulder.

_ Time to work on that swing. _

And swing he did, sending the fishing line crashing into the side of the Shadow’s pretty stolen face.

_ Snap! _

The entity turned just a little to give him a sympathetic smile. It hadn’t even flinched when the stick had cracked in half across its head.

“...was myself.” it finished, as the real Dean stared listlessly at the snapped line.

Cas tilted his head in that birdlike manner, sending a flare of affection up his spine.

“I don’t understand, Dean.” he admitted.

The Shadow smiled again.

“I’m asking you to come back home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everybody and Merry Christmas if you celebrate it!
> 
> Sorry this came so late, I've been horribly sick and horribly busy lately and my feels have begun to mend themselves back together with the new episodes. Good thing I have a break to finish this then eh? Heh…  
> No explicit romance in this story but don't worry, plenty of feels ahead whenever I finish the (probably) last chapter, which is already in the works and will hopefully be done before January.  
> There is a certain shyness I need to get over in the three fandoms I have WIPs in tbh.
> 
> Next time: There is still one thing he hasn't tried.


End file.
